As a Type 8 in the Essential Enneagram, a Leader, you are direct, outspoken, upfront and in charge. You don´t appreciate being told what to do or having your plans compromised.
You meet challenges head-on, and you´re unafraid of being honest even when it´s difficult. You often speak in a very assertive way, and you need someone who won´t automatically assume that it´s a personal attack.
You put your energy into control and dominance of your space, and of the people and things in your space. You take direct action and face conflict, and you like protecting the weak and innocent.
However, you can also be quite reserved and quiet as well as very giving, generous, and kindhearted, in part because of the Leader´s all-or-nothing style of relating, but also because as a woman, culture mandates to tame your assertiveness.
It´s important to note that only 7% of female population are Leaders, compared to 17% of male population.
In love, you need someone who understands that even when you scream, curse, yell, and stomp around, that´s just the way you are.
You also need a partner who knows how to stand his ground, stay firm and be forthright. He needs to be capable of speaking his own truth, providing feedback about your impact on him, and supporting you when you reveal softer feelings and vulnerabilities.
You are likely to get attracted to Type 9, the Peacemaker. A peacemaker is a receptive listener, supportive and good-natured.
However, as you search for your life partner, remember that „the success of a relationship relies more on both partners` level of self-awareness and their ability to love and accept love through their specific love language“.
Therefore, type compatibility is more about having similar levels of self awareness than it is about personality type.
From the almost two-thousand women whotook my What Type of Girlfriend Are You Quiz, 4.8% of them are Leaders. It´s the second least-numbered personality type in the Enneagram, closely following the Perfectionist, which has the fewest number of women at 4%.
As my data indicates, there aren´t too many women who are innately leaders. These women are strong-willed, strong-headed and powerful. They hate being constricted and limited to rules. They need to be in control.
What shaped your need for control and dominance?
Each of us developed one of the nine patterns to protect a specific aspect of the self that was threatened as our personality was developing (Daniels & Price, 2000).
When you were a child, the way your parents or caretakers raised you influenced the development of your leadership skills.
At a very young age you took responsibility for yourself and others either due to the circumstances or to your natural ability to lead, which cost you your innocense. As a child, your parents or caretakers may have put heavy responsibilities on your shoulders because they saw that you´re matured and responsible beyond your years. Although you did a good job, it also meant you were not allowed to be just a child.
Another possibility that could have influenced the development of your personality type is exposure to weak and half-hearted people. Seeing them being weaklings made you decide to never be weak and to always be strong.
You see the world as an unjust place and being a strong person that you are, you made an unconcious commitment to protect yourself and the weak from injustice.
Being a Leader you have many strengths. But your overbearing, dominant behavior has its dark side that can negatively affect your relationships.